The Key to a Man's Heart... It Ain't a Meal
Within the last two months I’ve heard a few people talking that whole “Feed your man before you lose him” mantra. We’ve all heard the saying about a warm meal being the key to a man’s heart. I’m not gonna lie, at one point I thought that if I could cook, clean, and be Catwoman in the bedroom, I would be able to find and maintain a man. These were things that I thought simply from the conversations that were around me.
After living a little bit of my life I have learned that these things are all LIES. Let me tell you something. You can get your great grandmother’s recipe for her coconut-lime cake, fry your chicken in the tears of Jesus M. Christ, and make your Kool-Aid with the sweat of Beyoncé and a fuckboy will eat your hot meal, walk out of your house and go lay next to a woman that can’t boil water. I’ve seen many women cater to their men and be the “perfect wife” while their men went about town preying on women with low self-esteem to fill the position of side bae.
Point of the story is… the thing that will keep a man is his desire to be kept. If a man doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want you. I don’t care how good your greens are or how flexible you are in the bedroom, if a man doesn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship with you, he won’t. We won’t even get into the issues that some men have as it relates to relationships because… I don’t feel like it. However, I can tell you that you can’t do anything to keep a man that doesn’t want to be with you.
I understand that this might hurt to hear and understand, but it’s something that needs to be said. You can’t be a big enough freak, have a clean enough house, or make your sweet tea sweet enough to convince a man to be with you while his heart is someplace else. This idea goes back into our talk about fuckboys. If your man is a fuckboy, he’s the type that will eat your dinner and use your paper plate and aluminum foil to wrap up a to-go plate for his side chick. This is why it is important to notice his fuckboy ways and leave him at your earliest convenience.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you that you need to stop cooking for your man and laying it down during your freaky nasty time. Please, feed your man and do what makes you feel comfortable. If you want to cook, clean, and buss it open at night, do that! You go ahead and be Florida Evans in your home and mind your business. It’s not your place to make another woman feel less than simply because she’s not shuckin' and jivin’ for her man. There are different strokes for different folks. I know this might surprise those “old skool” women, but in some relationships the man cooks—I know, it’s insane! So, if you’re hoping that you will win over a man with a sweet potato pie and some good sloppy toppy, good luck. I mean, I don’t know many men that will pass up on that opportunity, but it’s not enough to keep a man.
The key to keeping your man is being YOU. If you’re focusing on consistently becoming a better person through education, culture, and loving yourself, some man will come and sweep you off your little black feet. I mean, think about it. If a guy could fix your car, install new electrical throughout your home, and pipe you down at night, but he couldn’t keep you entertained during a date night or hold a conversation about something that you find important, you wouldn’t be too interested. It’s the same on the other side, just because you can “out-domestic” the next woman, doesn’t mean that you can hold his attention during a conversation. I don’t mind adding cheese to my man’s grits, but I’m working on these degrees right now and I don’t always have the time to “spoil my man”. Hell, if everything works out we’ll move on up to the East side and have enough coin to hire a chef. Then we’ll only cook for the purpose of leisure like Auntie Oprah.
Any woman can learn to cook a meal so work on those things that make you unique and irreplaceable. Things such as not making a plate at the family barbeque won’t make a man that loves you, values you, and finds you irreplaceable stray away. And honestly, if your man leaves you because you didn’t grab him two bones of ribs and a spoon full of baked beans at the family function, he didn’t want to be there anyway.
Work on developing a deep relationship and creating a true friendship with your partner and you will find that those damn plates and dinners won’t be much of a factor. It’s time that we call out our grandmothers and aunties for being shallow and telling us “A man’s stomach is the way to his heart.” NOPE, grandma! Love and respect is the way a man’s heart.
Moral of the story is… just do what you want. The right person will come along and love the hell out of you although you can’t boil tea water.
Afros and Ovaries
Stirring Kool-Aid and adding cheese to my man’s grits