Who the Hell is "The Bigger Person"?
Who the hell is “The Bigger Person” and why do I have to be like him all the time? I’m not sure how many times I’ve called a friend to vent about some petty, ignorant shit that someone did to me and their response is “... you just gotta be the bigger person in this situation. Don’t let it get to you…” While I understand their intention is not to make the situation worse, that’s exactly what happens. Why can’t their advice be something along the lines of “...if bitches wanna be petty, show them hoes what petty really is!” I’m not sure if I need more childish ass friends or if I really need to just continue being this nigga they call “The Bigger Person”.
Being childish and petty is actually fun-- for me at least. Think about it. When we were little kids, how many times did you simply place your index finger on your cousin’s shoulder just to irritate the fuck out of them? It was a simple, damn near effortless act that made their souls cringe and you loved it-- If you say that you didn’t, you’re a liar. It’s the same in our adult lives. It’s called being childish for a reason. It’s all of the subtle things that makes your enemy’s asshole turn inside-out that gives you abundant joy and pleasure.
As a mature adult, I am told that I must forsake all of these pleasures and take the “high road”. What if I want to take the low road? What if I actually want to stoop down to their level? What if I too, want to be a petty mutherfucker. If I engage in these activities, will I still be allowed to return to my space as a mature adult shortly after reading a bitch for blood and tears? How does this work? I just want to have some fun with the childish folk every here and there.
As I write this, I think I have come up with a perfect compromise for those in my shoes. Recently, I was faced with the opportunity to be a petty bitch. I am proud to say that I walked away from the situation with a personal “W” under my belt. See, as an adult, you being a petty mutherfucker can come in many different forms. You can post things on social media (which is my least favorite because it’s not clever and it’s ultimately messy), perform a series of tasks that will cause them so much irritation that they want to take a bite out of a brick (I’ll enjoy putting all the rolls of tissue on “the wrong way”), or you can read them for pure blood-- this is my favorite. Now, if you’ve seen the film “Paris is Burning” you may see where I’m going with this. The daughter of a good read is known as “Shade”. Dorian Corey did a phenomenal job in the documentary explaining the act of reading and how it became shade. While she says that reading is a true artform, I truly believe that proper shade, when in the right hands, can be deadly and oh so beautiful.
Dorian Corey beautifully explains that with shade, “I don’t have to tell you you’re ugly because you already know.” I’ve found that shading someone is the key to being childish while remaining an adult. You can simply hit a person with a statement like “...don’t act up because you know I will embarrass you.” With that statement alone a person will realize that you KNOW and you’re willing to bring it up and talking about it. From that point, the person has two options, they can stop trying you and gone ahead about their business or they can doubt your powers of reading for blood.
Now if they scurry off like they probably should, you've avoided hurting someone's feelings and you can remain a mature adult. It is once they've decided to stay and continue poking the bear that you have the right to go in and let ‘em have it. In this, you can be as petty and childish as you would like because you gave that bitch a warning. With this method, you can act as an adult and be The Bigger Person, but still read a bitch if you have to.
This may not be the best way to deal with wanting to be The Bigger Person while still reserving the ability to hurt some feelings, but it's the best thing that I've got right now. Now I must tell you, only engage in a “reading” if you are also able to take a reading and deliver a proper response. If you ain't about that “clap back life”, don't go dancing around the fire, get burned, then get mad because the fire burned you. Proceed with caution. I'm a “meanie” and there's not too many words that will “hurt my feelings” so I'd like to believe I can go there with someone and be alright. You gotta have tough skin for this.
In most cases, I give people multiple chances to shut the fuck up talking to me. This is because I know that my baseline for speaking to people is already seen as “mean” or “blunt”. However, once I've given a person a few chances to keep walking and they don't take the opportunity to move on, I have to go there and I'm seen as a vicious bitch. I've been told that I go for the jugular. It's not that my attempt is to make a person feel like shit, but… Well, who am I kidding? I try to make them feel like shit. And I know all they wanted to do was slightly embarrass me and “keep it 100”, but this petty bullshit doesn't fly around me. That's where the pettiness comes into play. I'll say what I want knowing that it might hurt your feelings and go home, watch Chopped on Food Network, and go to bed while you sit and contemplate life.
I'm working on becoming a better person, but until then…
Afros and Ovaries
I ain’t no killer but don’t push me…